The Crimson Kiss
by Muted Rainbow
Summary: Hermione is depressed. She discovers something over summer that helps to relieve her pain. The Crimson Kiss. DHr
1. Chapter One

__

The Crimson Kiss

© 2003 by Hailey Gaida

****

Warning: This story may be triggering for some people. Please make sure you are safe before reading it. Thank you. 

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Characters. I merely own the plot, I did not steal it from anyone. I also own any poetry that will be seen in this story. It has been written by me. Please don't claim it as your own.

Chapter 1 

Hermione Granger sat Indian style in her sleek, black office chair. She twisted from side to side as she moved the mouse over her computer screen. She clicked a link on a random page and it took her to P---.org. 

"Self-Injury?" She thought to herself. It was release she herself had never thought of. She had thought of suicide before through self-injury, but not self injury as a release. It was now the summer before seventh year at Hogwarts and she was, to be blunt, depressed. She didn't even have a reason, really. Her home life was fine, and her school life was decent. She was depressed, and she believed herself to be worthless and a failure. The low self esteem and self confidence of depression had taken toll on her. Her psychiatrists and psychologists had told her that she had a chemical imbalance. "Chemical imbalance my ass." She muttered to herself, while surfing the site. 

Hermione perused the poetry, personal stories, and images on P---.org. The images are what got her. She ignored the warning to make sure that she was safe and clicked into them. Her eyes widened as she saw the blood coated arms, legs and even body parts unknown of people around the world. People who were like her, depressed for one reason or another. 

She uncrossed her legs, stood up and walked over to a large box that was laying in the middle of her floor. She bent down slowly and picked up the box cutter, whose blade was encased in a teal plastic casing. She clicked the blade up and looked at it, in awe. She had to try this release. Nothing else had worked so far. 

She touched the blade to her arm and dragged it across it lightly, leaving a mark that was barely visible to the naked eye. A little blood seeped through the crack in her skin that she had just inflicted. She did it again, this time pressing a little harder; it bled a little more. She did it a few more time, until it amounted to about ten slices across her forearm. She pushed the box cutter blade back into it's plastic casing and set it down on her desk. She looked at her arm. 

How could a blade so small, bring such a release? She felt relieved, as if a burden had been lifted. Her arm stung a little,though. She slowly dragged a finger across her crimson forearm. Her finger emerged coated in her own blood. She smiled and closed her eyes. She felt relaxed and relieved. Seeing her own blood reminded her that she was alive. She looked over at the box cutter. She had just found a new friend.

"Hermione?" A voice, called from down the stairs.

"Yes, Ma'am?" She called back, hey eyes going wide, afraid that the voice might travel with the person it belong to, to her room.

"Dinner is ready, sweetie." It called. 

"Yes, Ma'am, I'll be there in a minute." She sighed, a bit relieved.

Hermione panicked. She went to the bathroom and ran the water from the tap. She winced as the soft, clear droplets mingled with the crimson kisses upon her arm. She grabbed a small towel and dried her arm. Hermione walked to her room and pulled off her tank top, only to replace it with a black, long sleeved, shirt. 

She walked down the stairs to dinner, the web page open on her computer screen, and the bloody towel next to the plastic sheathed god on her desk. 

+++

Hermione lay under her black and dark red canopy. Her spiral was open and she held a pen in her hand. Her hand rested under her chin, propping her up. She looked at her left arm and pulled the black tube sock that she had cut up to make an arm sock, back. She revealed a multitude of scars and cuts. She had even carved words and shapes into her arms. There was a star, and the word 'hatred.' Hermione put her pen to paper and began to write.

The Crimson Kiss upon my flesh

The crimson kiss that sears my soul

A droplet of blood

The razor brings

And once again, I am whole.

Crimson kisses

Razored bliss

I'm only human

Enough

To bleed to death.

Silky red 

On pale white

Flesh

Bleeding, hurting, 

Relieving stress.

The Crimson kiss 

The razor brings

Doth don my flesh

My soul

Doth sing.

The pain is flooding

Away from thy

Yet pain is coming

By day

And Nye. 

The razor brings

The Crimson kiss

The razor chortles

Joy 

And bliss.

Awaiting thee

The crimson kiss

Of immortal

Pain and 

Beautiful bliss.

It doesn't stop

This beautiful pain

This crimson kiss

Is one

To maim. 

It sears the soul

And scars the flesh

This Crimson kiss of 

Razored bliss

Hermione set her pen down and read over her poem. 'A crimson kiss, the razor brings.' She looked down upon her arm. It was true, her razor and knife did bring crimson kisses. She put her spiral away and covered her arm back up. She got off of her bed and started packing for the return trip to Hogwarts.

+++

It was one of the hottest days that England had seen and Hermione was dressed in all black. She wore black jeans, with black combat boots that came up to her knees, only the bottoms of her shoes could be seen though. Her shirt was a black spaghetti strap with a black fishnet over shirt and her arms were covered in black arm socks that she had made herself. The only contrast was a silver necklace with a pair of crimson cherries. She wasn't as tan as she usually was. She had somewhat of a tan but she had, after all, stayed inside most of the summer. She gave her bags to the porter after crossing through the barrier in the train station. She walked around platform 9 ¾ and then finally boarded the train. The train was sweltering as well. She walked into the usual car on the train and into her respected seat by the window. 

Harry and Ron came into the car soon enough.

"Hermione!" Harry exclaimed, moving over to embrace his best friend. 

Hermione stood up and hugged him. "Hi Harry." She saw Ron hiding behind him. She moved to embrace him as well.

"Hey Herms." Ron smiled and hugged her close. 

"Hey, Ron." She forced a smile. 

"What's with all of the black, Herms?" Harry inquired. "It's the hottest day we've ever had here. What's the deal?"

"I just felt like wearing black." She shrugged and forced another smile. 

"Aren't you hot?" Ron inquired, moving closer to her.

"Not really." She said, sitting back down, near the window.

"C'mon, 'Mione. Take off your extra shirts. You'll faint."

"Really guys, I'm fine." She smiled, fake of course, but they didn't know that. Hermione started to feel dizzy. She blinked her eyes and then lifted a hand to feel her head. Then, she blacked out, just as the train left it's station. Her head gently bounced against the wall of the train car.

"Hermione!" Harry said, rushing to her side. He shook her gently and she didn't awake. 

"Oh shit. Ron, go get a teacher or something. She's out." Harry yelled to Ron.

Ron's eyes went wide and he ran out of the car and bumped into none other than the malicious Draco Malfoy. 

"Watch it Weasley, you're too poor to afford to knock me over." Draco said, looking down up on the red headed boy. 

"Get out of my way, Malfoy." Ron grunted, trying to push past the 6'3 silver-haired god.

"And what if I don't?"

"Then, I'll…"

"Then you'll what, Weasley?"

"Get away, Malfoy, something's wrong with Hermione and I need to get a teacher."

Draco allowed Ron to push past him. His face was one of concern. He walked into the trio's usual room and saw Harry holding an unconscious Hermione. Draco saw the tube socks on her arms and immediately knew what was wrong with her. He pulled a tiny vial out of his pocket and handed it to Harry.

"Give this to her."

"Why should I listen to you, Malfoy?" 

"Because, I know what's wrong with her. The heat got to her. This will wake her up and it'll make her feel better."

Harry just looked at Malfoy. He actually looked concerned for Hermione. Harry fed some of the contents of the vial into her mouth. Draco looked pleased with himself when she woke up. What Draco didn't tell Harry is that, in the potion was a healer. It would help to heal her wounds. He was sure that she had lost some blood. 

Hermione sent Draco a pleading look. Draco merely smiled and walked out, crossing his arms over his chest. He walked around the trains hallway and sighed softly. He needed to talk to her, badly. He knew what was wrong with her. He had the scars there. He knew what she was going through. Now, he just had to make the love of his life believe that he understood. 

+++


	2. Chapter Two

__

The Crimson Kiss

©2003 Hailey Gaida

__

****

Warning: This story may be triggering for some people. Please do not read it unless you are safe. Thank you. 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter Characters. I merely own the plot line and any poetry that appears throughout. 

****

A note: The website P---.org is an actual website. If you're interested in knowing the actual URL, please email me at strawberrystarness@yahoo.com. Thanks!

__

Chapter 2

The great hall was bustling with activity. The second through seventh years were each seated at their tables, awaiting the arrivals of the new first years. The hall was alive with conversation from all tables. The Slytherin's were engaged in conversations about He Who Must Not Be Named, the Gryffindor's were chattering about the upcoming balls and classes. The Ravenclaw's were ecstatic to see what was new in the libraries and a few of the Hufflepuff's couldn't wait to see what Hagrid had for them this year.

The doors to the great hall were thrown open and a line of the new first years processed in, with McGonagall at the head of the line. The new first years looked around in awe of the great hall. They were most intrigued by the ceiling and how it appeared that there wasn't one.

Professor McGonagall walked onto the stage, next to a stool with a dusty, black, old hat on it. "When I call your name, you will come up here, and take a seat on the stool. I will place the sorting hat on your head, and you will be sorted into your house. The houses are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin." McGonagall gazed down up on the first years, adjusted her glasses and began the reading of the names.

"Adams, Anita." She called and a brown-haired girl with pink framed glasses walked up to the stool and sat down. The Sorting Hat, after some debate, sorted her into Hufflepuff.

The list went on, next with Barnum, Ignacio and went all the way to Yates, Perla. By then, the sorting had ended and Professor McGonagall took her place at the table. She tapped her silver goblet with her knife and the entire hall grew silent. The aged Headmaster arose from his seat at the center of the table and began to speak.

"Good Evening, everyone. To begin, I have a few start of term notices to announce…" Headmaster Dumbledore went on announcing the notices, starting with the Forbidden Forest and ending with some random corridors that the students weren't allowed to go down this year.

"Will the head boy and head girl please rise and take their places, now, please?" Professor McGonagall nodded to the hall, signaling Draco and Hermione to rise.

Hermione slowly stood up from the scarlet decked Gryffindor table, just as Draco was rising from his emerald table. Both began to walk toward the table where the teachers were all sitting. They reached the table in perfect unison as if it they had practiced it a million times. Draco's 6'3 frame towered over Hermione's 5'2. They looked like a stair step. It was quite a funny sight to behold. 

"Do you accept the duties of Head Boy, Draco Malfoy? Will you honor and uphold this school to the highest?

"Yes, Ma'am." Draco answered. 

"Hermione Granger, Do you accept your duties as Head Girl. Will you honor and uphold Hogwarts?"

"Yes, Professor." Hermione replied, putting on her happy girl façade. 

Hermione and Draco faced the great hall and smiled. Draco's was genuine, and Hermione's was the same fake one she had been using all summer. She had perfected it. Draco grasped her hand and lifted her arm up. Luckily for her, she was wearing a long sleeved gray shirt, instead of the usual short-sleeved, so when Draco raised her arm, her cuts didn't show. The raising of the arms was a symbol of unity. The rest of the houses didn't know that they were dating. They merely knew that one was a Gryffindor and one was a Slytherin, and if they could get along, so could the rest of the world.

+++

Dobby, the house elf, led the new head boy and head girl to their extensive set of rooms in the east wing of the school. They each had their own bathroom, bedroom, and passages to their house common rooms, Dumbledore's office and the Prefect's bathroom. They shared a common room by which two stairways were led from it to their rooms. A portrait of the four founders hid the entrance to their common room.

"I say." Said Godric Gryffindor, taken a bit aback.

"My word." Helga Hufflepuff sighed.

"Oh dearie me." Rowena Ravenclaw mused, gazing at the two.

"Well, well, a Slytherin and a Gryffindor." Salazar Slytherin said, eying the pair. "What an unusual pair. 

"Ahem, can we please get into our common room?" Draco asked the portrait.

"My my, we're in a hurry." Rowena said. "Got anything special planned?" Rowena winked at them

"Rowena!" Helga scolded. 

"Password?" Godric butted in.

"Chicken Soup." Dobby answered for them.

"As you wish." Salazar said, as the portrait swung open to reveal their common room. 

It was a lavish scarlet and emerald room. The couches were a beige color with highlights of scarlet and green. There was a huge fire places with a cackling and roaring fire. The whole room was draped in silver and gold tapestry as well as scarlet and emerald. There were coffee tables draped with silver, gold, emerald, and scarlet silk. It was a truly stunning sight.

"Welcome to your common room, Mister and Miss. Dobby will go now. Call Dobby if yous needs anythings." Dobby said, backing out of the room.

Draco turned to Hermione. "We need to talk."

"Not now, Draco. We have other things to do." She pulled off her façade and was her normal self again, demure and depressed.

"No, Hermione." He said, walking over to her and placing his arms around her waist. "We need to talk, now."

Hermione leaned her head on his chest. "No, Draco. We have nothing to discuss."

"Yes we do, Hermione." Draco said, grabbing her arm and pulling her sleeve up, revealing her scars and some fresh cuts, that had merely just healed. "Why?" He pleaded.

"It just happened. It's not important, Draco." She said, pulling away from him. 

"Hermione, look at me." Draco said, tilting her head up. "I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you, this is not nothing." He motioned to her arm.

"Draco, drop it. You didn't even write me all summer, Merlin knows what you were doing." She turned away from him, very intent on walking away, but for some reason, she stayed.

"You didn't write me either, Hermione. And you want to see the product of my summer? The beatings of my father, and what that causes?" Draco pulled off his robes and his normal school clothes, so that he was only in his white wife beater. "Turn around and look at me, Hermione."

Hermione slowly turned around. She saw something she never expected to see. Draco's arms and chest were covered in scars, cuts and burns. Hermione's bottom lip began to quiver. 

"D…Dra…Draco…"

"Yes, Hermione?"

"Go see Madam Pomfrey. You're still bleeding."

Draco pulled out the vial of liquid that he had Harry feed to her earlier that day. He drank some and his cuts began to heal. "I don't need to see her."

"Draco… why…?"

"My father. My life is rough, Hermione. I don't want to end up losing you to this either." He said, walking over to her and taking her in his arms. 

Hermione was almost too afraid to rest her head on his chest now. Draco ran his fingers through her hair. 

"Mum usually heals the scars before I come back to school, but she was too sick this time to do it." Draco sighed. 

"Oh, Draco, I'm sorry." Hermione started to cry on his chest. "I don't know why I'm this way. Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to be this way?"

"I wouldn't have you any other way, my love." Draco said, leaning down to plant soft kisses in her sweet smelling hair.

"Draco, don't tell anyone…about…" 

"I won't, Hermione."

"Thank you."

Draco bent down and kissed her gently on her soft, strawberry-scented lips. She rose to her tippy-toes and kissed him back. They had, after all, been dating since the end of last year. 

+++


	3. Chapter Three

__

The Crimson Kiss

©2003 Hailey Gaida

****

Warning: This story may be triggering for some people. Please do not read it unless you are safe. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Characters, so please don't sue me. I merely own the plot and any poetry that appears throughout.

****

A note: The poem, Lost In Torment was altered slightly for this, if you'd like to read the original version that I composed a while back, it is located on fictionpress.net, under Anarchy Star

__

Chapter 3

Draco Malfoy lounged around the beautiful common room that he and his girlfriend (And the head girl), Hermione Granger, shared. He leaned his head back on the plush backing of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. His feet were up on the coffee table and he was completely bored out of his mind. Hermione was taking a nap, so he couldn't even pester her into a little make-out session. Draco eyed a myriad of books on the table. He raised an eyebrow and bent over and picked up a few.

"_Mystical Muggle Contraptions by Matilda Yarnbrow,"_ Draco read, looking over the book and quickly discarding it.

"Dragons, Unicorns and Werewolves, Oh My! By Huntington Pottleberry," Draco quickly discarded that one. Anyone with a name like Huntington Pottleberry's had to be a fruit loop.

Draco came to a book that had no title. He looked on the spine of the book, no title there either. 

"Hmmm… I wonder what this is." He mused turning the book over in his hands.

Draco opened the cover of the book. Inside he found a page containing these words.

__

My heart, my soul, my feelings on paper. A poetry collection; Hermione Granger.

Draco was immediately curious. He flipped through a few pages, just glancing at the poetry. Then, one caught his eye.

Lost in Torment

Year Four  
  
I'm screaming, get me out of here  
Get me out of this silken, satin pain  
I've felt so often, it's soft and warm  
I just don't want to feel it anymore.  
  
I feel nothing anymore but I still want it gone  
I know it's there. Make it go away?  
I walk the yellow brick road of life in confusion and depression  
I've lost my dog, my friends, my ruby slippers. Take me away.  
  
The eyes of mischievous shadows watch me and tell me I'm going the wrong way.  
Am I? Or are they trying to trick me with their games?  
The shadows speak of happiness and laughter if I go one way  
I know it's not the happiness and laughter that I want.  
  
Their happiness and laughter is tormenting the lost souls they come across  
Like me.  
I'm hypocritical, lost, scared, sarcastic and blunt.  
As is my knife.  
  
Do they love me? I feel nothing.  
No one shows any emotion that they care for me.  
"I'm dying day by day, but no one cries for me"  
No one cares. If they do, they don't show it  
  
All day I think about cutting. Do I do it? No.  
I'm scared I might lose the two people that I love if I do it.  
They care.. I think.. I hope.. I don't pray because I have lost my faith.  
They don't even know about my knife, Sometimes I think they're oblivious

They're caught up in their own little world

They don't pay attention to me

I'm only good to help them with their work

Sometimes I feel so left out, all they talk about it Quidditch  
  
They take the teasing too far. It makes me hurt  
They convince themselves that I don't have a soul  
The funeral will come, they won't, they won't care.   
No one will.   
  
I'm crying, screaming, I want to leave.  
Get me out of here. This satin pain, I want no more.  
It came back. It came back. Make it go away.  
Make it all go away.

As Draco read that poem he knew it was indirectly about him. He did tease her and make fun of her. He had no idea that this had gone on as far back as fourth year, though. He thought it was just a recent thing.

Beautiful Pain  
Year Six  
  
I wait. Wait for the longing  
Inside  
Of me to be subdued.  
  
It will never be that way  
Though  
I will never be fulfilled.  
  
Clean. That's what I've been.  
Clean.   
I don't want to stay clean.  
  
I want the blood to run.  
See  
The Crimson kisses upon my skin.  
  
The droplets of red.  
Red.  
The color of life.  
  
Red. Red.  
The color of Death.  
The color I wish to be.  
  
Covered in it.  
Death.  
Red. Color.   
  
Slicing. Bleeding  
I need to have it.   
I need to feel that pain that   
  
Sends me to another world  
Different.  
Different pain. Beautiful Pain.

"Oh merlin, Hermione." Draco almost closed the book when one more poem caught his eye. It was called "Crimson Kiss." The only reason it caught his eyes, was because there were little red droplets in random places on the page. He knew it was her blood. 

Crimson Kiss

Summer; Year Six

The Crimson Kiss upon my flesh  
The crimson kiss that sears my soul  
A droplet of blood  
The razor brings  
And once again, I am whole.  
  
Crimson kisses  
Razored bliss  
I'm only human  
Enough  
To bleed to death.  
  
Silky red   
On pale white  
Flesh  
Bleeding, hurting,   
Relieving stress.  
  
The Crimson kiss   
The razor brings  
Doth don my flesh  
My soul  
Doth sing.  
  
The pain is flooding  
Away from thy  
Yet pain is coming  
By day  
And Nye.   
  
The razor brings  
The Crimson kiss  
The razor chortles  
Joy   
And bliss.  
  
Awaiting thee  
The crimson kiss  
Of immortal  
Pain and   
Beautiful bliss.  
  
It doesn't stop  
This beautiful pain  
This crimson kiss  
Is one  
To maim.   
  
It sears the soul  
And scars the flesh  
This Crimson kiss of   
Razored bliss 

Draco sighed and closed the book, he couldn't read any more. It was too depressing. He was also afraid it might trigger him to self-injure. He didn't want that. Draco set the book back down onto the table where he had found it. He stood up and pulled off his over shirt, revealing just a white wife beater. He looked down upon his chest and his arms. He was covered in scars. Some were from beatings by his father, others were self inflicted. There were scars that once held words he had carved into himself. He rubbed ashes in them so it would take longer for them to disappear. He wanted to remember. No one ever saw his injuries at school, his mother had always washed them away with spells throughout the summer. She was, however, too ill to do it. It was really just an invisibility spell. They were merely hidden. They were always still there. 

Draco sat back down on the couch and ran his fingers through his silky, silvery blonde hair. At that moment, he made a promise to himself, he wouldn't let Hermione self-injure anymore, and also, he wouldn't allow himself to do it either. 

+++

The rich aroma of food floated to the top of the ceiling of the great hall that night at dinner. Draco sat in his customary seat at the Slytherin table. His seat was perfect, if he looked straight ahead, he could see Hermione, laughing and joking with her Gryffindor buddies. Harry and Ron seemed to be pestering her about something though. Harry kept pointing to her arm and made flailing motions with his arm. Draco didn't like the look of that. 

"No Harry, it's nothing." Hermione said, pulling her arm away from The Boy Who Lived.

"Yes, Hermione, I demand to know what you've been doing to yourself. You arm is covered in scratched and scars. Did you get into a fight with Crookshanks?" Harry pushed back her sleeve to reveal her arm.

"Leave me alone, Harry. I don't wish to talk about it." She said firmly, trying to turn away.

"Hermione, what's going on with you?" Ron stated, looking at the girl he had always loved. "You've never acted this way before."

"Guys, I don't want to talk about it, how many times do I have to say that? It's not your problem."

"Ahem." An unknown voice said from behind Hermione.

Hermione turned around and gave the patron a thankful look. "Yes, Malfoy?" She said.

"McGonagall wants to see us, Granger. It's about the ball or something. Come on."

"I'll be back later." Hermione said to Harry and Ron, who still weren't quite convinced that her arm was nothing. 

Draco walked off, in front of Hermione. When they exited the great hall, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Now, what were they pestering you about, my dear?"

Hermione immediately relaxed and rested her head on Draco's shoulder. "My arm."

"That's what I figured. I decided that I should play your Knight in Shining Armour." Draco chuckled as he lead her outside.

"So I take it that we're not going to see McGonagall?" She smiled.

"Of course not, but there is something I want to show you."

"And what is that?" Hermione questioned, gazing at the lake, which lay ahead of them. 

"This." Draco motioned to a giant oak tree that was near the lake. 

"Draco, It's a tree." Hermione said, a confused look adorning her face.

"It's not the tree I wanted to show you, it's what's inside of the tree." He said, leading her around to a hole in the tree.

Hermione stood on her toes and gazed into the dark hole. She gazed upon his darkest secret. In this tree lay his secrets, his shame. In the tree lay scalpels, candles, lighters, exactos, knives, and box cutters. Hermione turned to Draco, tears mingling with the luscious brown of her eyes. 

"Draco…What is this?" She said, her bottom lip quivering. 

"These instruments helped me to gain my scars. I love you too much to see you hurt Hermione. I want you to put anything you use to self-injure in this tree, with my things. I want us to work through this together." Draco smiled a soft, loving smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her into a tight embrace. 

Hermione wrapped her arms around him. "Accio." She whispered, pulling her 'pain relievers' to her. Candles, lighters, exactos and a box cutter flew to her feet. She broke her embrace with Draco and placed them into the tree.

"Good girl. Thank you, Hermione."

"No, Draco, thank you." Hermione stood on her toes and planted a soft kiss on Draco's chin. 

+++

  



	4. Chapter Four

__

The Crimson Kiss

©2004 Anarchy Star/ Hailey Gaida

****

WARNING: **This story may be triggering for some. Please make sure that you are completely safe before reading it.**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter and such. The usual, you know. Please don't sue! I merely own the plot and poetry that appears throughout this fan fiction. 

__

Chapter Four

Draco and Hermione sat outside of their tree. They stared into the soft folds of the water, watching the giant squid dance upon it's surface. The wind blew softly, making Hermione's hair fly around her face. She pushed a stray lock behind her ear and sighed softy. 

"Something wrong, love?" Draco asked, pulling another lock away from Hermione's pale face.

"No." She answered, softly.

"Are you lying?" Draco inquired, playing with her hair.

"Yes." Hermione cast her eyes downward toward the grass. 

"Talk to me, Hermione. I'm here to help you." Draco said as he nuzzled his face into her sweet-smelling hair.

"I can't." She said, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Why not, love?" Draco cocked his head to the side, waiting for her answer.

"Because… You know I have a hard time talking to people about my problem…" 

"I know, love, but when you don't talk about them, you bottle your emotions and you explode and you self injure."

Hermione looked up at him, shocked.

"I know you better than you think I do, Hermione."

"I guess." She muttered. 

"Talk to me, 'Mione."

"I don't want to be a burden, Draco." Hermione truly believed that if she told anyone of her problems it would burden them; and the last thing that she wanted to be was a burden to others. 

"Hermione Granger. I never want you to say that again. You have never been a burden to me and you never shall be, no matter what you tell me!" Draco was rather shocked that she would say something like that. He had never thought of her as a burden. He merely thought that she was one of the best girls on the planet, and he would be damned if he let her get away. 

"Whatever…" Hermione sighed again, pulling her knees closer to her chest. 

"Hermione, talk to me. Please?" Draco was practically begging now. 

"I want to be clean, Draco. I want to be clean so bad…" At this point Hermione started to cry. Draco merely pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. 

"You can be, Hermione." 

"No, I can't, Draco. I'm not strong enough. You, you can handle it. I can't. I don't have enough will power to stop myself. It's become an addiction, Draco. An addiction."

"I'll help you stop, Hermione. Just come to me whenever you feel like relapsing and I'll talk you out of it. I promise. I won't let anything bad happen to you." Draco pulled her even closer as tears streamed down her face. 

"You're too good to me, Draco." Hermione said, nuzzling her head into his chest.

Draco let out a slight laugh. "What'll Weasel and Pot-head think when they see us here?"

"Oh, Merlin, Harry and Ron. I forgot that they didn't know about… 'us.'" She started to hyperventilate at the thought of them finding out that she and Draco were together. 

"Don't sweat it love, I'm sure they'll be fine with it; and if they're not, I can beat it in them until they're fine with it."

It was Hermione's turn to let out a slight giggle. "You always make me feel better, Draco."

"That's what I'm here for. I'm your sanity, your picker-upper, your therapist… well, you get the picture."

She smiled. "Yes, and thank you."

+++

A month had passed since the day Draco had shown Hermione the tree. Hermione sat now, in their common room, reading a favorite book of hers, "I Was A Teenage Fairy" by Francesca Lia Block. Hermione had just gotten to the part where Barbie met Todd Range at his party. She also had her headphones on, she was listening to Strawberry Gashes, by Jack off Jill, and suddenly Hermione didn't feel too well. She instantly got up and called out for Draco. No answer came to her. 

Hermione ran out of the common room and through the hallways of the school, looking in every place she could think of for Draco. She was panicked. She didn't know what to do. She looked around, paranoid. Had Draco abandoned her? Where was he? Did he know what she was feeling right now? Tears now streamed down her face, falling to the floor as she ran through the halls. She called his name, but alas, no answer came to her. 

Hermione found herself outside, near the tree. She sank down in the grass near the tree and sang to herself as she cried, trying to work herself out of this attack. 

__

"Young girl

Don't cry

Your tears will dry

You'll soon be free to fly" 

Hermione wiped tears from her eyes and tried to fight the panic attack.

__

"Young girl

It's all right…"

But it wasn't alright. That song was clearly not helping her. She rubbed her eyes and switched.

__

"These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase…"

It was true, time could not erase what she was feeling. She couldn't take it. Hermione stood up and grabbed her journal from the tree. She had placed it there a while back, so she wouldn't read her poetry and relapse. Hermione grabbed a quill from the tree as well and pressed the tip to the parchment in her journal. She found that no words would come to her though. 

Hermione started to panic again. Where was Draco when she really needed him. Her sanity was suddenly gone. She needed the release, the blood, the relief. Hermione stood up and pulled out an exacto knife and a candle and a lighter from the tree. She lit the candle and placed the blade into the orange flame. She held it for a moment and then took the blade to her arm. In only a few moments she had managed to completely coat her arm in blood. There were many new words upon her forearm. Worthless. Failure. Burden. Alone. There were also many lines, across her wrist, mainly. Hermione suddenly felt very lightheaded. Her eyes fluttered and she fell to the ground, unconscious. 

+++

Draco walked into the common room that he shared with Hermione. He had been speaking with Dumbledore for the past hour or so about upcoming things that needed to be taken care of. 

"Hermione?" Draco called, looking around the darkened room. There was no sign of her in the space. He looked out the window, he could see the first evening star. It was getting late. Hermione should have been in there. She was never out this late. It was only around seven or so. Draco had talked with Dumbledore through dinner, so she couldn't be eating. Draco immediately assumed the worst. 

Draco ran down through the halls of Hogwarts and outside, to the tree. He saw her figure lying on the ground, dried blood on her arm and a bit of fresh blood still seeping through what would be scabs. The candle had almost burned out and there was a bloody knife laying near her body. 

"Oh, Merlin, Hermione, please still be with us." Draco said as he placed two fingers on her neck to see if she had a pulse. There was still a pulse, but it was faint. Draco pulled the vial from his robes that contained the healing potion. He slipped some of it down her throat and the bleeding stopped. He grabbed a dirty cloth from the tree and ran to the water and dipped it in. He scurried back to Hermione and he cleaned her arm, revealing the words she carved, along with the slashes. There must have been at least forty slashes on her left forearm alone. There were a good thirty more on her right forearm. He then saw the words. Burden, failure, worthless, and alone. 

Draco's face paled. He wasn't there for her the one time she had needed him. Tears fell from his eyes. He pulled her close to him. Draco closed his eyes until he felt a hand caressing his face. His eyes popped open, and there she was, staring at him. 

"Draco…"

"Shh… don't speak, Hermione. You lost a lot of blood."

"I know…I… I couldn't find you…I tried Draco, I really did." Hermione started to cry again. Tears fell down her face and bounced off of the soft grass. 

"That was my fault, love, I forgot to tell you where I would be. It will never happen again, I swear to you." Draco pulled her close to him, thankful that she was still with the living. 


End file.
